Humbled by the Fire

The moment you decide something happens,

There is a shift,

An energy that enters.

It enters by way of surrender and humility,

An action of Free Will.

Take it Ma’

The Bells Rings.

So much comes rushing.

All the ways in which you’re caught, blinded.

Unable to lift the veils that we created.

So ungrateful.

Miracles messed.

(Om Natli Rudaynum Na Swasanyum)

Separation

Desperation

Confusion

Unworthiness

a plane flies overhead

Take it Ma’

The War Rages on,

The Internal Battles takes place.

It must. It’s the script.

Burn it all.

Dry mouths…cracking voices.

(……Gayapataye Namayha)

Burn the thing and burn the hands that hold it.

We are in Play

The light blazes down

That scares us.

Take it Ma’

The layers of Protection

His fault. Her doing.

BLAME THE PARENTS.
BLAME THE SYSTEMS.

THEY ARE THE REASONS.

No relief.

Take it Ma’

am I doing this right?

Colors ablaze,

Smells of sandalwood, incense & hope

CrAcK goes the coconut

Timelines shift

New Stories, New Opportunities

Thy Will Ma’

Jai Ma!

I am small

I am everything

I am alive

All is good

Roses tossed. Prayers sent out.

Hands clap in celebration.

Stillness….

Inner & Outer S P A C E

At the scientific level we are told that most matter is no-matter The quantum field. Zero-point entry. Subjective reality. That form is merely atoms vibrating close together to formulate a specific structure. That an atom is mostly space. That although things seem to be fixed that isn’t necessarily the whole truth. Why does it all feel so real though? Why does life feel so solid?

Enter the observer.

Time and time again perspective and expectations are flying on the scientific scene as real evidence that the observer influences that which is observed. More evidence suggests that shifting the way things are seen might play a part on the way things are. As a group of collective observers, (i.e. humanity) we have practiced this together by establishing belief systems. Systems of beliefs that we reiterate amongst and within daily conversations. These conversations where we once thought carried no weight, we now question just how much they transmit a ripple through time and space that echo out and affect all that they move past.

This is not to say that global warming, climate change, the pandemic were merely consistently bad conversations built up over time. It is to say conversations that are built upon problems will not create solutions. They will keep us in the story. In the problem.

This is to say though that you can’t solve a problem by being in the problem. You can’t be fixated on what bothers you and simultaneously focus on that which excites you. We are either playing the role of being part of the problem or part of the solution and most of the time oscillating between the two.

It is hard to dream in boxes. It is hard to paint a masterpiece with limited colors. There is no use in staying in the lines these days when the lines are no longer things, we truly believe in.

I believe there is a place inside this place. It isn’t on the other side it is on the inside.  Some call it Heaven. Some call it Hell. Some call it Love. Some call it Space.

Enter the observer.

It feels to me like an unseen field; filled with collective thoughts of hope, of faith, and of peace. It exists just beyond what most see. It can fade in and out of our awareness like light dancing across water. You might even miss it if you don’t stand at the right angle- if you don’t take the time to stand still and look deeply.

The goal is to get a group. The more the merrier. Line them up and have them all see it at once. Have them all feel it at once. Have them all reveal it within themselves as once because once it is seen it can’t be unseen. Once it is felt it can’t be forgotten. Once the dream becomes real there is no need to go back to sleep.

What is IT? It is divine love. The collective subjective reality of divine love becomes so concentrated that it literally manifests itself in front of you. The beautiful plot twist is that it can’t be seen alone. You need other people looking at it from different angles at the same time. There must be an agreement between subjects to make it an object.   

The Bad Side of the Divine

I’ve noticed something with my actions lately. As an adult I still find myself afraid of getting in trouble. Which is quite hilarious, considering I have no one tracking my actions these days. As children, we can often find ourselves navigating the approval of those adult figures in their lives. “Don’t do that” “Thanks for helping, you are so good” “What were you thinking?” “You can make better decisions”. Old habits die hard and as functioning adults we sometimes still look around for someone to tell us we are good. If you don’t think you’re one of us, answer this question: Have you even seen a cop car and immediately slowed down even if you were going the speed limit?

 There is alive the idea that at any moment we might get in trouble or that we could do something wrong. It’s the scary monster under the bed and it’s name is SHAME.

Why is this a problem? It creates a barrier between good and evil. Between Heaven and Hell. Between right and wrong. It keeps the group of goodies over there and the group of mess up’s over there. It literally splits us in two as a race and as a self. It asks us to keep our good in front and our bad in the back. Unless you have a drink in your hand and then it’s socially acceptable to let the “badder” out.

 This patterned program becomes an unbalanced and fragmented way to live. It leaves us walking around with a portion of ourselves present, but our 8-year-old hell raiser alone. We have a lot of hell raisers walking around this planet not knowing what it feels like to be loved. Many were hell raisers at a young age and told they weren’t good.

Is it our job to love them?

That can sound like dirty work. Only the hell raisers were able to love the hell raisers when you think about it. Like Jesus loving the outcast. It takes a special someone to not be afraid of doing the dirty work.

Here is the truth. Hell raisers aren’t from Hell. They just walked in the shadows long enough to relate to the dark and bring it into the light. They are the doorways. They blaze the trails of change because they are bold enough to stand alone. They can leave a room silent by cutting through with truth. They become those that we follow and in the next breath those that we abandon. We do this to others and to ourselves.

The next time you get it wrong. The next time you make a mess of things. The next time you wander into not so good territory. Maybe, just maybe, that is the time to love yourself the most. Maybe we can start to gather up all the hell raisers within each of us and form a big Motherly Unconditional Hug. What would it look like if we deeply loved all aspects of ourselves? The amount of shame that some of us feel lays like a weighted blanket, one that is holding back the world from coming together again.

You are GOOD. You are BAD. You are ON the path. You are OFF the path. You are RIGHT. You are WRONG. It is all expressions of the divine.

I heard about a study done recently where a group of high school students were simply told consistently, they were good at math. Many of them didn’t have the scores in the past to reflect this, but they were all still consistently given the same message none the less. All of them saw significant increases in their scores. The power of our words upon others can literally shift them into a different version of themselves.

 What would it look like if we took all our hell raisers out dancing? Probably be quite fun.

Don't Believe in Time

Do you even wake up in cold sweat in the middle of the night with the intense sensation that you are missing something? Many people share dreams of running late, forgetting something important or crashing in a car/plane without control. Although it is hard to identify meaning for everyone these scenarios hold a common theme: the fear of time running out. Our linear minds come up with many common phrases to speak to this felt energy that we share and support as a collective: “It seems like just yesterday”, “Where did the time go?”, “Hurry Up! We will be late.” It has become consistently embedded into our conversations that I feel myself in a hurry to go, well, nowhere really. In a hurry to grab the mail from the mailbox! The to-do list becomes that focal point of our awareness and the task of laundry, oil change and changing the air conditioner filter consumes our mental awareness. This process shuts down our unique human ability to create lives of love. It shuts down our hearts.

I recently heard an interview that stated out of all the mammals in the animal kingdom the human is the only one that turns to watch the sunset. We don’t see dogs pausing on their walks to take in the colorful skies or birds pausing during the sun’s nightly show. We are the only species that has the capacity to marvel in life’s beauty. The movement of trees with the wind. The floating clouds spreading and collapsing into each other again. We have the capacity to understand the rich balance of the seasons. Humans have the ability to feel deeply and that alone gives our lives meaning and beauty.

Why does it have to be so hard though? Why can’t our roles be to witness beauty and not feel rejection, shame, guilt, betrayal, and loneliness amongst other hard emotions? Our moments of suffering are when we are buying tickets to the narrative of separateness. It is the part of us that wants to feel connection but also wants to be the one that is right. We can’t be in the story and tell it at the same time.

These dreams we are having speak to one of the greatest challenges of our time. Will time run out before we fully remember our goodness? Will time run out before we learn how to love? Learn how to forgive? Will it be too late to care for our internal ecosystem of the body and the external ecosystem of the world?

WHAT NOW?

We are going to have to sit with the darkest corners of our fears without distracting, numbing and keeping busy. We are going to have to stop doing things the “right ways” that we were told. Marriage. Religion. There is no roadmap. There is no template. We have our gut instincts and our compassionate heart and those will become our weapons for change. It is time to stop talking about the world’s problems, our problems, their problems. It is time to get quiet. It is time to move beyond our reactionary set points and into radical conversations of ways to serve and uplift each other. Time is precious when you treat it that way.

Joy is the answer

In a recent phone conversation with a friend, we were questioning WHY we go down a spiritual path in the first place. What is the reason that some of us attempt to see beyond the veils in this life? When asked, some people express feeling a deep knowing that something calls them beyond what they are currently experiencing. That even though their lives are showing them ONE thing, they feel something BIGGER. The other side of the mountain. Other people describe their reason to venture back to the heart as a spiritual “itch” or an “unquenchable thirst”. However the feeling comes through, some of life’s big questions tend to follow.

Why are we here? What should I do with my life? What is the purpose of it all? How do I find fulfillment?

The mind keeps us consumed in facts. Negative thought patterns are a free and entertaining way of keeping our ego occupied. The same energy that causes you to turn and see a car accident, or stay an extra few minutes on a news story is the same energy that robs us of our joy. We get caught in only seeing and reinforcing the mess. What spirituality invites us to do is move beyond what is seen into the unseen. To speak from the space of knowingness rather than what is told. There are plenty of extremely knowledgeable people in our world that know what they have been told. But the leaders that ignite, that inspire and that call people into heart-centered action aren’t the ones telling the same stories. They are the ones pulling in the wisdom from the heart.

There is a whole world behind the screen of this one waiting to be realized. There is a goodness and light in every person behind the human suite of their putting behavior. There is Divinity at the root of every beast and there is a beast at the root of every Divine being. Yes, even you. It all comes down to who we call to the table each day. What version we call from others to keep us company. How do we do this?

Joy. Is. The. Answer.

Why does a young child want an ice cream cone? Purely for the joy of it. They don’t need to justify enjoying it by exercising later that night. Joy is our natural state.  Children mirror that back to us naturally daily. They haven’t adapted the unworthy belief systems of not good enough or not smart enough to deserve joy. They are always worthy because they remember our greater purpose when created-to spread Joy. To see Joy. To speak with Joy. To become overwhelmed in Joy. Yes, even to indulge in Joy. To do this, you first have to see that your worthy of it ALL. In seeing our worthiness we will begin to remind others that they are as well. Pure spirituality is embodied joy. That doesn’t mean you are happy all the time or never able to find yourself in a bad mood. Joy isn’t an emotion it is state of being. It allows all that is to exist. It isn’t in need of company though invites it and doesn’t care who shows up to life’s party. It maintains its beat even if other instruments are playing off key. It isn’t easily persuaded. It is smart. Clear. Firm. It doesn’t need a reason or a cause. It isn’t distracted by what is the root of it’s existence or how to get more of it. It is the rose that blooms in front for all to admire and it is also the rose that blooms in back for no one. It is strong when felt within oneself but even stronger when witnessed in another. It is laughter and tears simultaneously. It is beyond form. Beyond what’s seen. It is the AUM.

In this moment feel free to rid yourself of any score keeper gauging your internal worth. When this is released from your energy field it will not only change your relationship to joy in your life, it will also free up others to find theirs.

Let Down Your Hem: My Spiritual Journey Back Into Intuition

Deep Listening

There is a mindful technique that some find powerful where you sit somewhere outside, close your eyes, and just listen. The purpose is simply to locate the direction the sounds are coming from. To merely take in their different volumes, notes, and estimate the distance sound is traveling. To try and feel your body in reference to the space between itself and the sounds. Although it seems easy on paper, the art of listening can be, well, difficult. Frustrating in fact.

We often want to hear what our human agenda desires. The recognition from the boss. The gratitude from our children. The affirmed attraction from our significant other. Those can be the loud noises we are consistently seeking. An endless attempt to fill an empty well with words. When we practice listening instead of controlling what we hear, we are opening ourselves up to hold space for faith. Faith is a sister to trust. A friend to a higher knowing that even if things aren’t exactly the way we want to find them, there are spaces between the notes that hold life in harmony. That fills life with love. With balance. With divine order. ALWAYS.

When we accept this, the exercise becomes not to recognize the sounds but to listen with the heart to the silence. The world can be loud. News. Gossip. Fear. War. Destruction. Looking at these things with love and compassion is a necessary step in being human, in dealing with our emotions, for rising into service for the humanrace. If the noise becomes where we stop one can find themselves in despair. But if we retrain our ear and heart to linger in the spaces between all the noise, that is where we can truly let down our guard safely, and rest.

Retry the mindful technique from above. This time every time a noise comes, pay attention to the silence that immediately follows it. The silence holds all the sounds together, it gives the perspective to understand that sound is being made. The silence holds the frame in place.

All is well. You are loved.

Let Down Your Hem: My Spiritual Journey Back Into Intuition

2. That Feeling

There is something about a space right before guiding students. It starts to take on the energy of those that will be arriving. I sit in the silence and wonder: What heaviness did you experience this week? Is my heart big enough to hold space for you? What things will I never know about you but that I feel in the way you move? The way you hold child’s pose like you're holding on for dear life.

Can I help hold your hand back to God? Not the one that was shoved down at a young age or the one you hide in fear of truly being seen…but the one that meets you. Meets you when the sun hits your face or a bird floats overhead. The one that lives in children’s handprints and elder’s wrinkles. The Mother that glues us together. The Spirit that flows through our stories and weaves us tight like string from a quilt. I wonder if you will feel safe enough to feel it all with me…for a while.

In the dozen of studios, in the 1000s of classes, it all starts the same. I light incense, sage or santo…I connect to my heart. Ask for help from the angels, Mary, Yeshua, and all the great Gurus of the past. (I know I can’t do it alone).

Then I pray. “Please! Please! Help me show and give unconditional love. Let me be a space where all are safe, welcomed and seen exactly as they are”. I then let go…because Your journey is none of My business just like Mine is none of Yours.

I have faith that someday soon we will all fully remember the truth and move together back into oneness

Let Down Your Hem: My Spiritual Journey Back Into Intuition

1 Truth

Truth is a funny thing. It isn’t a permanent fixture. There are things we have claimed to be true throughout history until we discovered they weren’t. This law on truth is not exclusive to one subject over another. It has occurred time and time again in mathematics, science, history, psychology, medicine, and wellness-I could go on. Yet, I found it rather odd that one subject has yet to enter this universal understanding that truth can change. That of religion. In a room of upgraded and updated décor, religion has always been for me that old lounger that is out of place yet too comfortable to get rid of. These old loungers can hold a lot of nostalgia for us and let’s be honest most of us are too lazy, overworked, stressed to spend time trying out new chairs. So, if you were like me, you spent a many years’ letting that old lounger sit in your house and from time-to-time visit, seemed like the right thing to do.

What I learned is that if you practice anything in life you get better at it. It wasn’t just religion that was comfortable, it was my marriage, my mothering, my approach on prayer, it was the whole way I showed up in the world. I practiced being half. No, I practiced being a fraction of the person that I knew I was born as. I played small. I blamed and judged, fell back asleep and kept it all together with spoons of Nutella.  I choose silence over embodied truth. I choose comfort over the expanding unknown. I did all of it and then I undid it.

When you make 200 knots in your true voice it can be quite a burden to open again. I cried so many tears I had to ice my eyes. I got a nasty sickness that humbly knocked me on my ass. My body finally retaliated and I had a choice. Own my stuff or die a soulless death. Dramatic, yet true.

This blog is that journey.

“When you know better, you do better.” -Ram Dass

Dear ones let us take a journey. A journey into mystery, adventure, excitement to explore the great unknown of that which we called God, The One, O, Christ consciousness, universe, Gaia, Jesus, Yeshua, Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Sai Baba, Buddha, Shakti, Shiva, Atman, Light, as so on. Everyone is invited to this table not just those that subscribe to a certain denomination and both sides of the sexes will be represented. By looking at Spirit through all these lenses & costumes we get a more holographic experience. I believe we do ourselves an injustice by sitting in our same old loungers, propping up our feet and getting comfortable in our spirituality. How is it that most stories in religion has gone unchanged? Have we TRULY not discovered any information that would present a different version? What would happen if the very truths that for most of us have been embedded into our subconscious brain for generations would all the sudden shift? I think the very fear that holds most of us back from truly asking ourselves these questions is the same fear that wakes us up at night when we ponder death in the dark shadows of our bedrooms.

The only thing scarier than knowing something to be true is knowing that we may NOT KNOW everything and that scares the shit out of us.